Here's to Life

Although I’ve had this blog account for awhile, it wasn’t until some recent changes in my life and the encouragement of a friend that have finally pushed me to write my first blog entry.  I’ll briefly explain what led me to this point.  Four years ago, I moved up to Chicago from Indianapolis with my boyfriend and dog Jojo.  We each had our reasons for moving up here – as a huge Cubs and Bears fan, he has always loved Chicago and I wanted to go to grad school, yet be close enough to my family if I needed to see them.  Another underlying reason that compelled me to move was the desire to live in a bigger city.   I cherish my time in Indianapolis; it’s where I went to college; made lasting friendships; and essentially came of age.  However, our relationship to a place is much like our relationship to people – there is a beginning and sometimes, an inevitable end – or in my case, you outgrow the relationship and need to move on, in order to further stretch your wings and grow.

Anyway, here we are living in a cramped studio apartment and adjusting to the transition.  I’m trying to navigate the terrain of film school and prove to myself that I belong in the world of filmmaking, while Andrew is struggling to find steady employment beyond freelance work for newspapers.  The first few years were tough, and really challenged our relationship.  Eventually, Andrew found work in a job he loves, working for a small consulting firm and I knew without a doubt that I will continue to make films for the rest of my life, in whatever capacity - be it writing, directing, or producing.  This point of clarity came with a price; the breakdown of a five-year relationship to someone who I thought would become my husband one day. 

Revisiting an old book.

Which brings me to the present; Andrew and I are no longer together.  Last month, I moved out from the apartment we shared and here I am again, adapting to transition.  Since our break-up, I’ve worked on mending the broken pieces within myself, perhaps pieces that were broken long before Andrew and I ever met.  Nonetheless, I’m aware that healing takes time.  How long?  I may never know.  But I made a promise to myself, that I will not commit myself to a relationship until I am whole.  I learned to not expect for someone else to “complete me” (my life is not a Cameron Crowe film).  I can only complete myself.

I end this blog entry with the reassurance that I’m embarking on a new journey and with the anticipation that more personal discoveries and friendships will be made along the way. 

Theme song of the day:  Barbra Streisand’s “Here’s to Life”